...but it feels really vulnerable to do so I've been putting it off.

A bit of context before I get into it: when I was too young too remember I scared the shit out of my family by disappearing during a picnic. After looking for me everywhere they found me back at our picnic site. When asked where I was I told them something about seeing a cat with many blue glowing eyes on the stream and following it into this crack in the ground and visiting this big underground lake with a glowing blue tree in the middle.

As I said, I was too young to remember that day. But what I was describing were an entity from local folklore, called the Earth Cat...as for the lake and tree? who knows where I got that from.

My family was just relieved they found me. They were close to getting the authorities involved. At first they didn't put much thought into my story, kids come up with weird stuff all the time. My mum did eventually take me to a catholic priest....and an ortodox priest...and a witch...and whoever else did woowoo stuff around here in the early 90s....just to be sure, you know?

As I kid I started having dreams of the Earth Cat and the Blue Tree. But they were just glimpses. Or maybe that's all I would remember from them. I learned pretty quick not to mention them to my family since I wasn't very fond of meeting weird adults that would treat me like I might bite.

Ok, but what is the Earth Cat? In local folklore it's a shadowy entity that mostly inhabits caves and mines. It is a sort of guardian or guide of the underworld. It is said to have many sparkling blue eyes and miners would leave offerings from their lunch for it. It's something like our version of the Will-o'-the-wisps.

I would often doodle many eyed cats, sparks, eyes and trees. Later in life I would paint them, the Earth Cat became Eth in the stories I would write, even the name of the blog is a reference to it.

Random sketches from my sketchbook.

Paintings I did a while back.

It wasn't until my early adult years that I started having more fully remembered dreams of this. At first I would dream I was a child, back on that stream near the picnic spot off the side of the 581 road. I would see the Earth Cat and follow it into this crack. As I would move forward I was growing, aging, becoming the person I was as I was dreaming it. And the space between the rocks was getting tighter, I would barely squeeze between them, getting all cut up. With a final struggle I would emerge on the other side and fall onto this dark shore. Before me a huge lake that got lost in the endless darkness of the cave I was in. He was there with me. Watching me with his many eyes, saying "Name me." and then I'd wake up.

Then I started dreaming that he'd leave me, he would go out into the darkness walking on the surface of that lake. I'd try to follow but I would sink, I'd feel myself drowning, have a glimpse of the island and tree. Maybe he'd say "Name me." again. I'd feel the water fill y lungs and my consciousness leaving me and then wake up in a sweat.

In time I started being able to follow him. At first I had to focus very hard on every step. But then I confidently learned to walk beside him on that still lake. Sometimes he'd disappear and leave me wandering for what seems like eternity in the darkness of the cave. I would always find the island.

On the island there was always this blue tree glowing with am orange ball of light between it's branches. The trunk was...is..an iridescent bluish color, like made of jagged crystals instead of wood. It is split in two and the two halves twist around each other. Between them there is a small opening. I'd try to go inside...and I'd wake up.

About three years ago I started having a different dream. I didn't tie it into this one yet.

I would dream I was in this endless landscape of travertine pools. The sky was clear and the sun was warm and pleasant. The pools stretched beyond the horizon and I was on this path that went upwards. Going to the summit of the white sparkling mountain.

Found this picture of Pamukkale on Google to illustrate what I mean. Imagine this, but endless.

The path has chicken wire fence on each side. The kind that's stretched between those metal frames. it was rusty and painted different colors. On the side of the path various household objects, like a watering can, a little plastic barrel, brooms, stuff like that.

I wrote about it in y sketchbook when I first started having this dream.

I was barefoot and bare chested and in a body that felt right. I would walk slowly, having this sense of calm and certainty that I'm on the right path, I'm on time, there's no rush, everything is exactly as it should be. Eventually I would get to the summit where the path sorta opened up into this little yard between the travertine pools. The yard had the same type of fence as the path. There was an old rusty orange Dacia 1310 with no wheels sat on some bricks, some more random flower pots and objects and a little wooden bench. Opposite the bench there was a small gate, next to it this scraggly small tree, almost no leaves, except for a small branch where there was a few wilted leaves and a round orange fruit. I don't know what that fruit was. But I knew it wasn't ripe yet. I would just sit on that bench and wait patiently. I knew I was early.

Then one night, the gate opened and there stood the version of me from the other dream, with my broken body and bleeding everywhere, looking more dead than alive. My eyes were just dark pits in my head and black blood was oozing from them. I woke up.

The next time I dreamt I went to that island with the tree again. I went thought the opening between the twin trunks and I saw the other one, calm, content, sitting on the little wooden bench, next to the rusty old car. He pointed at the small orange fruit in the otherwise dead tree. "It's not ripe yet." he said. And I woke up.

Versions of both these dreams happened several times. Sometimes I was the calm one in the travertine landscape and other times I was the broken one in the dark cave.

Until last night.

Last night I was both. I had both dream at the same time. I did both journeys and felt them deeply. I was also the Earth Cat, watching both from the outside. I told the broken one to "Name me". The calm one waited patiently on the bench for what seemed like ages while the broken one roamed the dark endless lake. When I finally got to the island and passed though the space between the trunks I felt tired. My wounds hurt. I wasn't scared but I was somehow lost and finding the calm me felt like finding my way. I crashed into the other me's arms and I turned into black blood. Drenching him.

I caught the broken me and felt his form slip into nothingness and I was getting drenched with black blood. I wasn't sad, or scared. It changed me. From the outside I looked different somehow. So did everything around me. The travertine landscape turned black and the sky went dark. On the inside felt different in a way I find hard to describe. The calm gave way to a kind of maniacal fury, determination, certainty. aggression even. I felt like something deep withing me snapped into place. I felt like I was invincible. I started laughing and then let out a scream. A roar. A battle cry. I woke up with that roar. I scared the hell out of my dad and my cat.

Awake, I am in a good mood. In a hyped up kinda way, sort of a high. A lust for life I've not felt since I existed in this world.

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Send me a bird to let me know what you think.