My first idea was just to shift the gender of my deadname. My middle name was easy. I already went by it most of the time that I was doublelifing before coming out. So that was just gonna stay Cristian.

But my first name was a bit more complicated. It's not that it doesn't have a masculine variant. It does. It has several in fact, and a shortened neutral one. But all of them made me sound like a Skyrim NPC. My original one IS actually in the game, it's a very shield-maiden kinda name, but the NPC is wearing it is very obscure. The masculine versions on the other hand....oh boy. I think I've heard all the variations in there, some for multiple nords. So no, the masculine version of my first name wouldn't' work.

Ok, so now what? Do I keep my initials or go for new ones? I won't tell you my deadaname, not that it's a secret, pretty sure with a bit of internet sleuthing you can still learn it if you're that kind of person. But for the purposes of this story I will tell you it started with an "I".

To keep my initials I would either have to pick one of the male variants of my birth name or I was thinking about Ignis. It sounds very similar with my old one, similar enough that I'm sure that people that know before might have just ignored the change or thought they heard it wrong. But I didn't really feel it, and somehow the closeness made it feel like a copout. Maybe I could go for a related one like Ignacio or Inigo?

Non "I" names I considered were Anthony or Rafael. Both names my mum had picked if she was gonna have boys. Again, I didn't really feel them. I somewhat liked Anthony but only somewhat. I was toying with the idea of being called Tony.

Or I cold just take my grandfather's name Gerhard.

I really like space, cosmic motifs and galaxy colors so I thought really hard of names in that sphere: Cosmin - I knew too many Cosmins; Stelian - it will eternally be the name I associate with the plumber that came to our house when I was a kid; Sorin - for some reason both at our old family house and this one we had a next door neighbor with that name so it felt odd; Astro - sounded like a dog name; Sirius - reminded me of the book series that shall not be named; Marius comes from Mars but is also kinda associated with war because of that; I would have to think more on this.

I also considered taking my name after artists I admire. I had a whole list but as I am writing this I remember that strong contenders were: Adam, Andrew, David, Freddie, Gerard, Tobias. I'll let you guess my inspirations.

I even played with the idea of a mythology inspired name. Obviously, given my emo tendencies, I went for the underworlds to look for inspiration. But honestly the only ones that appealed to me were Charon (yes, I reused it for this blog) and Styx.

I have a nickname that I got in the first college I went to and I've been using since 2012-ish - Lufis. It started off as Lucifer and then people did that thing when they keep saying it weird till it morphs into something else. It went from Lucifer to Luficer, Luficica and then Lufis. And that stuck. And I like it. It has both that celestial theme and the dark mythology vibe. The only thing that annoys me is that some people ask if it has anything to do with One Piece. No, it does not. Stop asking.

How does one pick when nothing feels right?

I couldn't decide. For the time being I was gonna just go by Cristian or Lufis and think more about it. But one thing that I felt was pressing me was my name on Facebook. I really wanted my deadname off my socials. But the issue was my dad's name is Cristian as well, and using that just invited a lot of confusion and missent messages. I also was starting to hate being on Facebook in general and I was considering changing my full name on there and removing or blocking almost everyone except my imediate family and close friends. So maybe Cristian Lufis? Lufis Cristian? Somehow I felt they didn't go together like that.

I decided to take my initials and make a placeholder name and use Lufis as the surname. CID Lufis could work. Only thing is that I am dumb. I misspelled it. I wrote SID Lufis instead and only caught it after I saved it. You have to wait a while to change it again so I was stuck with the typo for a bit. But it was just a placeholder, who cares.

Next day the charity shop I was working at was visited by this Jordanian guy. He was looking for stuff to use in his crafting projects. We found common ground talking about art and crafts and project ideas. He knew some Romanian but we spoke mostly in English. We traded instagrams. Only then it dawned on me that that's synced with my Facebook. He gave me his, I followed him and before I can say anything about it his notification went off and he said "There you are! Sid. Followed!". Not being Romanian he didn't make a fuss about my name being out of place. Just said it like it was normal.

Something snapped into place in me. The name, said out loud felt right. I like it. It felt like me. If you put Sid the Sloth and Sid Vicious together you get me. My new friend had no idea he just baptized me. I didn't say a word. I was too stunned.

I've been using that name since then. I have no intention of ever changing it again. The only thing that annoys me a little bit about it is that people always assume my name is Sidney. It's not. It never was. Never will be. Would be nice if it was short for a name I liked but oh well, can't have it all.

Today, 12th of June 2026, I was doing some research into Latin, as you do when you're worldbuilding and need inspiration for names. Found the word sīdus meaning star. I thought: this could work but looked more into it. And found sidereus meaning of the stars or starry. And then I found a derived name from it Siderius. I like that. I like how it sounds. I like what it means. I like how it feels.

Hello, I'm Siderius, my friends call me Sid. Nice to meet you!

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